This post mentions recovery from addiction

 

 

 

 

Relaxing with a group of friends around the pool at The Mar Hotel, host to Lanzarote AA convention. We were talking about this new COVID-19 Virus that came from a wet fish market in China. I remember saying with absolute certainty (like I had inside info) “oh it’ll never reach England, we’re too far away”.

That was how flippant our conversation was. Little did we know that two months later we’d be in lockdown. I wasn’t even sure what that meant, but what I did know was that AA and other fellowship meetings were closing down one by one and we didn’t know when they’d be opening again.

This was a daunting thought, and I remember how scared I felt. Would I be able to stay sober and keep mentally well without my meetings? How could I stay safe if I couldn’t socialise with my AA comrades? OMG I felt like I couldn’t breathe, but I’m not a quitter and I went into survival mode.

I had a mobile phone and I used WhatsApp so my friends and I created recovery groups which helped us keep connected and obviously we talked for hours on the phone. Also I found Facebook a great way to find out what was happening locally.

Then I heard through the grapevine that online meetings would be accessible through Zoom and Skype. Oh no, I’m a technophobe, I’m a dinosaur for God’s sake. Anyway some nice bloke sent me a guide for dummies and believe me it was aptly named. Well even with instructions Skype was very hit and miss.

I ended up in the strangest of groups and the strangest of places. It was like 2020 version of Quantum Leap. Zoom was a bit more reliable but it can’t replace the real thing. I was more interested in how many double chins and wrinkles I had on screen than any words of wisdom that might have been spoken and I was more aware of the state of my decor than anything else.

I was being shouted at that I was on mute and then got muted cos I was eating crisps and the noise was distracting, I couldn’t bloody win. The truth was I wasn’t feeling or enjoying online meetings, it was empty narrative, no emotion, robotic.

It was safe to say the novelty of Zoom had worn off, I mean we’re social animals we’re not meant to be isolated from each other. We need each other’s company, we need love and laughter in our lives. We need to see people smiling, hear laughter and engage in conversation and banter with each other.

September 2020 face-to-face meetings were opening with some restrictions but it was better than nothing. It was great to see familiar faces and some new ones but sad to hear about those who had relapsed and were struggling. Some had found other ways to recover and didn’t need AA. Nothing prepares you for the devastating news of those who hadn’t made it.

This pandemic has left its mark on so many, has ripped through families and starved them of having closure for loved ones. On the other hand I have seen unsung heroes, endless acts of kindness and communities coming together. I will never underestimate the power of a hug, the kiss from a loved one and the unity and love of AA. I am truly blessed ❤️ 

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