Please note: this report mentions suicide and addiction

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The moment I shook hands with my new boss was something I’d live to regret.

I’d had a period of time off full-time working due to my mental ill-health and dealing with my addiction to alcohol.

This was a chance to rebuild myself, regain my confidence and use my previous well-earned expertise with a new company.

He recruited me, welcoming me to the new team and within a matter of months began his destruction of my prospects and ME!

Others recognised my value with the way I worked, and he didn’t like the fact that he wasn’t appreciated quite as much as his ego was used to.

Then it began, belittling pieces of my work, demanding impossible outcomes, undermining my value to the team.

He’d spotted my vulnerability and pounced on it. Incessant nit picking, chasing, unrealistic deadlines, no training, questioning without evidence – simply bullying me until I’d break…. And in a way I did.

My overall health worsened, sleepless nights, panic attacks walking through the branch door, desperate to hide from people, family life hit by my fear and isolation.

Then one day I broke down, fled the building, ashamed of myself and my vulnerability wide open to anyone watching.

I had HR contact me, he tried to as did others.

Eventually I agreed to meet with HR with my union representative – it was clear my experience hadn’t been a one-off to the company.

On advice over a number of weeks I took them to an employment tribunal, won kind of, provided I signed a non-disclosure agreement, which I did.

18 months of hell and I should’ve been able to accept and move on with my head and heart calm.

What I actually did that day after leaving the union rep and thanking her was not going home to be with my family, instead I phoned saying I needed to sign some paperwork the following morning, so I’d stay overnight in Leeds and be back by lunchtime tomorrow.

I found a hotel next to the station, gave a plausible reason for not having an overnight bag, went to two different chemists, two different supermarkets and returned with one intention.

My supposed day of celebrations, serenity, became an attempt to take my own life.

As you read, you’ll understand that didn’t happen, and that remains private to only a few close people.

One person’s ego broke another’s soul and for what.

—

If you have been affected by this article, support options are available.

• When life is difficult, Samaritans are there – day or night, 365 days a year. You can call them for free on 116 123, email them at jo@samaritans.org, or visit www.samaritans.org to find your nearest branch.
• SANEline. If you’re experiencing a mental health problem or supporting someone else, you can call SANEline on 0300 304 7000 (4.30pm–10.30pm every day).
• Shout 85258 is a free, confidential, 24/7 text messaging support service for anyone who is struggling to cope. You can text them any time, day or night on 85258. Your messages with them are confidential and anonymous.
• The Mind Infoline provides an information and signposting service. Call 0300 123 3393 or email: info@mind.org.uk. They’re open 9am to 6pm, Monday to Friday (except for bank holidays).