As I start to write this, I have to check myself with the theme of the piece – who……… 🤔
For context, I live with two voices, one called ‘temptation’, the other I refer to as ‘magpie’ and they both chat at every/any opportunity they get, depending on what is happening for me, right there and then, hour by hour, minute to minute.
My old addict head (temptation) tells me to isolate, I’m useless, worthless, pathetic, a drain on society, everyone is against you – I only need its love and care!
‘Temptation’ tells me what to do, how to manipulate situations to get things, be dishonest, cheat, lie on lies, be super critical of anyone daring to challenge me, my behaviours, my actions and only ‘its’ words work best for me’…….
My recovery head, which is my ‘Magpie’ voice, is my saviour, my gatekeeper of my feelings and emotions, my honesty, my truth, my real values and self-worth.
‘Magpie’ sits on my other shoulder listening to ‘temptation ‘, allowing me to pause, listen, not act just yet, and consider what ‘temptation’s’ actually asking me to do….
‘Magpie’ will get me to consider what’d happen if I followed temptations path, who it’d hurt, what it might result in, and will I feel happy with the outcome of my actions…. and then, only then, does ‘magpie’ tap into my values, emotions and help me to do what’s right for ME, no one else.
I then have a decision to make, I can choose who has my best interests in mind, sand of those around me who care about me, and then actually act………
It sounds so simple and easy to follow, but the grind and battle of listening, balancing both voices, often challenges many other aspects of my day – get it wrong, and face the consequences, or learn not to repeat it at least for now.
Having said that, I’m grateful to be in a place where I’m learning which voice works for me, and I know I’ll still act on the wrong one often, get down, feel like I’m drowning, but with persistence, my old behaviours die, criticism and negative thoughts become less valuable – replaced with new ones which give me relationships back that’d I’d lost, connected with people who think as I do today and the opportunity to have the life I deserve to have.
Keep safe, keep learning, we grow as we develop who to trust, value and listen to.
The only thing I’m ‘tempted’ by now is more ‘magpie’ voice as often as I like!