Please note: this article talks about domestic abuse

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I found my recovery from domestic abuse completely different and, probably at the time, more difficult than my recovery in addiction.

I found being in constant fear of never knowing when my partner would lose his temper and hit me or smash things up around me, the most degrading and demoralising way I could have been treated; the walking on eggshells so as not to annoy the person who is supposed to love you; being asked a million questions when you are five minutes late getting home and the accusations of you having an affair; the anxiety if a man chatted or smiled at me whilst I was with my partner; the covering up of bruises with makeup, those bruises given by my partner because I questioned something.

My partner instilled into me that it was all my fault and that I deserved it because I made him angry. If only I did what he said! If only I didn’t answer back! If only I showed him more attention! If only I didn’t make him jealous! Then he wouldn’t have to lose his temper and hit me. He only hit me because he loved me so much and I would never find anyone else who would love me more.

However, if I ever thought of leaving him, he would kill me. He trod me down to the ground, stamped out any self-worth I possessed and trampled out any hopes I dared to dream. I was a sorrowful shell of my former self, my bubbly personality was flattened, I was ashamed that I’d put up with this abuse for so long and I couldn’t see any light at the end of the tunnel.

Anyway, I’m here and I am Recovered from the hands of an abuser. It took time for the internal and external scars to heal but I’m living proof that we can recover. I know it doesn’t always end well for everyone, and I know I’m a very fortunate person who never ever takes anything for granted and who will always be forever grateful 🙏