This report mentions addiction

 

 

 

Two critical ‘worlds’ I’ve faced in the past few years – *isolation and addiction* – they walk hand-in-hand together into darkness and chaos in my experience.

One feeds on the other, controlling my decisions, behaviour, and well-being – or not! – and it takes huge honesty and courage to escape that lifestyle.

I’m learning still, three years into my recovery, how to listen better to those inner sinister voices encouraging me to dip back in daily, and to then challenge myself to not listen anymore, cos I know what awaits if I don’t.

I’ll admit, I do battle with how I am feeling and acting, trying and refusing to be drawn into negativity, but it’s ruddy hard work, so sometimes breaking my day down into hours helps, just get through the next hour and see if anything comes up.

Writing this piece, the voices tell me it’s just naff and not to bother, no one’s interested, or cares about it and they’ll laugh – maybe they’re right – but my recovery voices suggest that may not be true, and those that do think that may be dealing with their own struggles and simply deflecting their own worries. I don’t have any answers for them, just my own truths and that’s good enough just for now.

I spent years segregated in my mental ill-health, wasted years I can’t ignore, but with strength, patience, and support from new friends I’ve gathered, I choose now to think positively, reach out when I’m low, share what was freely given to me to others when I’m in good places.

My diary shows connection, purpose and hope today, that’d be great to read tomorrow too.

With love

MG19 signing off🙏

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